{ 07 juillet 2005 }
rest in peace, my saviour puppy
at the end of february 2004, 1 of my basset hounds, dudley, was diagnosed with lymphoma. this was during my senior year at uni, and i was devastated when my parents called and gave me the news. i was supposed to go to florida the next day for spring break, but i canceled the trip and went home to see dudley instead. yes, i am 1 of those people who are crazy in love with their dogs. my dogs are some of my best friends, and i could never date a guy who didn’t like dogs. and honestly, i think i actually like my dogs better than some of my friends.
anyhoo, dudley has always had a special place in my heart because my family got him during my freshman year of high school, right after our silky terrier died and right before our last basset hound died. [we were incredibly unlucky and our last 2 dogs died within a week of each other.] so dudley was there for my family in a time when we were all hurting, so i’ve always referred to him as my saviour puppy.
sadly last week, dudley came to the end of his struggle with lymphoma. whenever a dog is diagnosed with cancer, you know that it isn’t a battle you’re going to win. you see, the vets can’t make a dog as sick with chemo as they can a person because the dog can’t say, “hey, i’m nauseated” or “i have a pain on my side” or whatever, so the vet just has to guess at the symptoms, unless it’s really obvious like diarrhea. the vet could potentially make the dog sicker with the chemo than he would be with the cancer alone, hence the precautions. but perhaps if the dog has a tumor, you can do surgery and remove the cancerous mass. unfortunately that isn’t the case with lymphoma, as it affects the lymph nodes. so from the very beginning, all you can do is give your dog the best medical treatment possible, spend loads of time with him, and treasure every moment.
for the past 3–4 weeks things had been going downhill slowly. 1 type of chemo gave dudley ulcers in his mouth, then he didn’t really want to eat because his mouth hurt. then the medicine for the ulcers upset his stomach even more. my mom and i fed him anything we could think of: turkey, chicken livers, baby food, pudding, deli meat, ice cream, chicken, fish, pasta. basically all i’ve been doing for the past number of weeks is taking care of dudley and spending time with him, and there wasn’t anything else i would have rather been doing.
a couple weekends ago we thought we were going to lose dudley because he had a temperature of 106.7. he spent a few days at gvs. the doctors did not seem optimistic because when a dog has a temperature that high, they start to worry about damage to organs and even the brain. amazingly after a day or so at gvs, dudley did not have a temperature anymore. but he did have pneumonia, so he stayed a couple more days to be treated for that. everyday that dudley was at gvs, we went to visit him multiple times each day. i would lay on the floor and just hold dudley for over an hour. he seemed so happy that we were there. we also always brought elwood with us since he & dudley are best friends, and we could tell how happy they were to see each other.
last tuesday 28th june, dudley came home, which made him really happy. we could tell that he was still really weak though. we had 1 more chemo option to try, which could make him sick. [after a dog is given a certain type of chemo enough times, he becomes immune to it, so you have to keep switching the chemo.] dudley only ate a tiny bit the 1st night he was home, and he wouldn’t eat after that. everyday he seemed to be getting weaker and weaker. i would take him from my room to outside to go potty, and he would stop halfway down the hall and lay down, and i would lay down with him and hold him. it was breaking my heart to see him so weak. we knew we couldn’t start the new chemo if dudley was still so weak.
last thursday the 30th, dudley seemed different. he still wagged his tail at me 1st thing in the morning, but he seemed even weaker, and his breathing had gotten more laboured. my mom and i sat and stared at dudley and petted him for a long time. elwood stayed close by his side and gave him lots of kisses. we knew it was time, despite how much we didn’t want it to be. my dad came home early from the office, and we all went over to gvs with dudley—elwood & preston included. by this point, my mom & i were bawling. as soon as we walked into gvs with our tear-streaked faces, the people working there knew what was going on. [gvs has become our 2nd home, and every single person working there knows dudley.] they put us in a room to give us some more time with dudley. every receptionist, technician and vet who had seen dudley in the past came in to offer their condolences and to see dudley. and all of them were crying; matt, 1 of the technicians told us he had never cried about a patient before, and sharon, dr. schick’s technician, said she had never seen dr. schick cry before. it was so wonderful to see how many lives my sweet dudley has touched. also, all the technicians and vets told us that we were making the right decision, that it was time. they also told us that dudley did so well, living almost a year and a half after being diagnosed. and he did have some bad points, but he was really happy and healthy for the majority of that time. it was usually difficult to tell that he was sick. but the vets could tell that he wasn’t very happy last thursday, and really he could only get worse and weaker. so that made my mom & i feel better in our decision because the last thing we wanted was to make that decision too soon and miss out on time with dudley or wait too long to make it and let dudley feel miserable. 1 doctor told us that we were making the unselfish, compassionate choice.
i laid on the floor, holding dudley and telling him how much i love him. my mom sat next to him and held his paws. then the doctor gave him an anesthetic, and dudley fell asleep. then she gave him the final injection, and he drifted away as i held him so close. after a few minutes, the doctor checked for a heartbeat and said, “he’s gone.” then i just lost it. i held dudley for quite a while. at 1 point, elwood came over and kissed dudley’s face for 10 minutes. that was 1 of the sweetest acts i have ever seen.
2 days ago, on tuesday the 5th, we had dudley’s funeral. he looked so peaceful, and i am sincerely glad that he is no longer suffering and that his body and spirit are at peace, but i still cried my eyes out because i love and miss dudley so much.
my friend erin told me that in a way i should be glad that i’m in so much pain because that means i had something really wonderful and the years i had with dudley were so special. and i am thankful for all the time i had with him; i am truly blessed to have had such a wonderful dog in my life.
i know that we made the right decision, but i just wish it didn’t hurt so much because i am completely heartbroken.
i love you, dudley.. forever.
26 september 1996–30 june 2005
posted at 21.52